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Added: Shameka Mccauley - Date: 11.12.2021 20:04 - Views: 24536 - Clicks: 8416

I often say that all consensual sexuality is okay.

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Open relationships? Same-sex partnerships?

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One-night stands? I could care less how people have sex, as long as the people involved are consenting adults.

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This means that most of the interesting and important questions are about consent: how do we make sure that we always have consensual sex? How do we talk about our preferences and our consent? I write a lot about sexual communication for this reason. Totally weird, I know! One of those interesting things is stereotypes. Also interesting: bad dynamics in the BDSM community.

Sometimes these are hilarious light-hearted jokes. Also, it gets really silly when we start thinking about switches — people who can feel comfortable in the dominant role or the submissive role, such as myself. One very common, relevant assumption is that dominant people always enjoy inflicting pain: that sadists and dominants are always the same group.

I once threw a memorable party at which my then-boyfriend, service top bdsm mostly-submissive gentleman, arranged for a bunch of our friends to grab me and hold me down while he ate cake off my body. It was great. These words can also be used as verbs. And yet!

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There are two common BDSM community phrases that are often deployed in tones of disgust and irritation. Which is ridiculous. In that case, I should respect his preferences. Or maybe my partner is resisting because he wants me to punish him. Or maybe we just have bad chemistry! It just means that either the person is trying to communicate, or the person is looking for a certain kind of push-pull dynamic. If a service top is doing things just because her partner likes them … then good for her!

Why are you asking me to tie you up? Stop topping from the bottom! An important facet of consent is trying to create a pressure-free environmentso that all partners feel comfortable talking about what they want.

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If we are using them as shorthand and do find problems with their use like youbut a casual listener or reader believes that we are insinuating their often-derogatory meanings, we could be reinforcing unclear and possibly harmful thoughts in the minds of those who could be influenced to help turn this problem around. Maya says:. July 12, at pm. Leave a Reply Cancel reply.

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