Lovers of kinky sex

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Naughty lingerie is on sale. Already the bears are slumped on their shelves looking badly picked-through. The motors in their singing hearts are dead. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to lovers of kinky sex down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality. For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean. Several saints were named Valentine, so the one we care about, the Valentine, Saint Valentine of Terni, may be a composite. We know a young priest by that name was beheaded for insurgency against Emperor Claudius II in Rome during the third century. He was arrested for performing Christian marriages — a crime at the time — and attempted to convert the emperor to Christianity while imprisoned. It did not go well. All this imagery conjures medieval torture devices, many of which are still used to less bloody extremes by kinky people today.

Irons, cravats, wrist and ankle manacles, wolf collars, pillories, stocks, and other preth-century restraints are still widely popular. But leave the beheading to antiquity. This may be false. Roses are tactile flowers as well as beautiful ones. Close your eyes and feel the velvety petals, seemingly dusted with talc. And that sweet smell. Not guessing?

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Try a thorn. This sensation will be maximized when his skin is red and sensitive, so spank him a little first. Give him a day with nothing on the agenda but sex. Start early. Give yourselves prep time — time to mentally and physically ready without feeling rushed; time to douche, get in submissive or dominant hepace, foreplay, warmup — and time for aftercare. Take the evening to come down from the intensity. A long shower, a movie. How often are we given the opportunity to play without watching the clock? Turn off your phone and unplug.

Most fetishes have accompanying tools and toys. Show your support for the things that turn him on by buying him what he needs. No brick-and-mortar store close by? Go online.

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Web shopping comes with its own challenges. Where do you start? How big is it? Online fetish retailers have good customer service because we know you have these questions. B Amsterdam, and countless others have one thing in common: Talking to customers personably is essential to our business. We depend on word-of-mouth. Content restrictions inhibit most of us from heavy web advertising, and few ad firms accept clients whose promotional materials are deemed smutty or pornographic.

We want you to have a good experience and come back. We depend on it. Give him a gift basket that includes one kink essential. I suggest handcuffs.

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You need the basics: chocolates, flowers, card. The most widely recognized fetishes eroticize certain forms of dress and certain materials like leather and rubber. The fetish of leather is the cornerstone upon which the leather community is built. Whatever makes you feel good, wear it.

Gear shopping is best done with a partner — someone to encourage you and tell you you look great. And getting on a new harness by yourself is hard. Let him do the buckles in the back. Sometimes you need a break — from your apartment, your bathroom, your pile of clothes. Just as gear unlocks our sexual selves, space does too. You can invite others or keep it intimate. Bring sexy stuff lovers of kinky sex, toys. The best gift for the underwear fetishist in your life — the guy who loves your scent and prefers you come to bed before showering, not after.

Groups are tough for some couples. Jealousy is human — we all feel it. When jealousy is not adequately communicated, it will lead to problems. Jealousy flares up when we involve others. Lucky for us, the world of kink has built-in dynamics that make groups easier. An excess of attention here or there might make jealousy flare up. But add a script and it gets easier. The roles are set. There is a chain of command, pre-discussed limits, and protocol to keep communication open. Make it a mini vacation.

Are you submissive? Show off. Community is important. Get names and s. I love public fetishes — ones you can enjoy in plain sight. I have an underwear fetish and usually rock the same jockstrap for a week or more before throwing it in the bin. Other guys love chastity, which involves wearing a locking cock cage made of plastic, metal, or acrylic.

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Acrylic is recommended. The hard material softens with heat, making it form to your anatomy. We found the lovely cock cage pictured above at Amazon. A swarm of buddies took turns fucking the daylights out of me.

After everyone dumped a load, they slid a buttplug in and told me to keep the lo in for as long as I could. Then we went to the movies. It was one of the hottest nights of my life. We sat in the dark and everyone rubbed my shoulders, encouraging me, telling me I was doing a good job, being a good boy. They are packaged in an unassuming black box.

Luckily the French store L'avante Gardiste still sells them. Not too oral? These make great ass lubricators before sex. Stick one or two in and wait for them to melt. His hole is lined with your seed — lubed for a filthy fuck session.

Find a vibrating butt plug, preferably one that has an external remote.

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Go to dinner, movies, or gay bar and give him random bursts of vibration throughout the night. Some say the sex club is no place for love. Love is brutal and messy. It reveals itself in odd, dark places.

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I have found men I love on dance floors, at sex clubs, at house parties, and in back rooms. Take the guy you love to the sex club and let him play, or play with him, or watch. While the sex will be fun, the real gift is the strength in your communication, your trust and commitment as a pair to navigate through this and enjoy it. I have never believed, and will never believe, that relationships are meant to restrict your sex life.

The sexual, animal part of you is just as valid, just as essential to your being, as the side that loves and cares for someone else. You have both. Find someone who sees and celebrates both. It can be cheap and or long and costly. I recently drove to Nashville for a fisting weekend with a friend. It was perfect. This is why our venues are so important — and why we must support them.

You need a space that lets you show off your kinky side, a place away from your hometown, your job, your people, that lets you disconnect from their pressure and just play. Sexcations are great sexual awakeners.

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Bring your self-discovery back to work with you, back to the grind, a burning secret in a lockbox, a flame that you can stoke quietly through the week and let it roar when Friday rolls around.

Lovers of kinky sex

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